Out of Control
by luvingbtr
Summary: Patricia…I'm sorry, but I think I have feelings for someone else. His words stabbed her like knives. From that moment on, she knew that she wouldn't ever love someone as much as she loved him. She needed him. Life sucked. Eddie always added a little fun to it. But that was gone now.
1. Chapter 1

**Another oneshot requested by my friend. Enjoy~**

Patricia stared at her refection. What did she see? Oh, that's right. A fat, ugly, bitch who should go die in a hole. She had never been good enough. She did her best, and it was never enough. Maybe that's why her parents dropped her off at boarding school when she was 11. Maybe that's why she acquired a bad-girl reputation, and boys were afraid to even _talk _to her. Maybe, just maybe, it's why Eddie dumped her for KT.

She sighed. Why did she even bother? _It's no use_, she thought to herself. She would never be good enough for Eddie, no matter how hard she tried.

_Patricia…I'm sorry, but I think I have feelings for someone else. _His words stabbed her like knives. From that moment on, she knew that she wouldn't ever love someone as much as she loved him. She needed him. Life sucked. Eddie always added a little fun to it. But that was gone now.

She was trying, trying so hard, to make herself perfect. She stopped eating. And when anyone forced her to eat, it came right back up. She was doing everything she could, and Eddie didn't even notice. Fabian had, though. He was worried about her. But Patricia didn't really care what he thought. All she wanted was Eddie's opinion.

She wasn't okay. She was a complete mess, spiraling out of control. And Eddie was the only one who could fix her. The only one who could get through to her. She needed him. She _loved_ him.

…

Eddie and KT were on a date, up in the attic.

"Hey, you notice how weird Patricia's been acting?" KT wondered.

"Yeah…she does seem to be acting pretty strange these days…" Eddie agreed. Patricia wasn't okay. That was clear to him. But, he didn't know whether he loved her, or KT, or anything anymore. Honestly, he just wanted to figure out what he really wanted, so he could stop breaking hearts.

KT kissed his cheek. "Love you, Eddie." He sighed in response. He couldn't bring himself to say he loved her, back, because he didn't.

…

Patricia kneeling in front of the toilet, sticking two fingers up her throat, gagging herself. She waited longer and longer, until she felt the bile rising up her throat. She let go, and began retching. All the food from the past few days ended up in the toilet. She coughed, making sure she was done, and stood up. Flushing to toilet, she pulled a mint from her purse and popped it into her mouth.

"I'm sorry, Eddie. I love you," she whispered, unlocking the stall door and exiting the bathroom. Immediately she found herself face to face with Fabian.

"Patricia….are you okay? You haven't been yourself for the past week or so…" Fabian looked pretty concerned.

"I'm fine, Fabian. Nothing to worry about. Go back to solving some puzzle," Patricia told him, shoving past so he wouldn't see her tears. She ran all the way to Anubis House, and straight into the bedroom she shared with Mara. She knew Mara wouldn't be there until late, she had the room to herself.

Patricia let herself break down. She cried like she had never cried before.

"Eddie…" she choked. "Please…I need you…" She coughed a few times, pulling her covers over her head. She wished Eddie could see how broken she was without him.

…

Eddie knew there was something wrong. Patricia wasn't okay. There was something wrong. She wasn't herself, and he'd noticed that she didn't eat much anymore. She wasn't cracking jokes, and she never laughed. She wasn't Patricia.

"Eddie? Ready to go?" KT smiled at him from upstairs, purse in hand.

_Crap. _He'd forgotten about their date. Just then, Patricia flew past him, running for the stairs. The quick glance he caught of her face told Eddie that she was dangerously close to tears.

"Ugh, KT, can we do it some other time?" He hoped she'd understand. Patricia needed him.

"It's Patricia, isn't it? Again! Why do you care so much about her? News flash, you're dating me, not her!"

"Oh? News flash, I'm breaking up with you. Leave me alone." And with that, he headed for the stairs.

…

Patricia kneeled in front of the toilet once again. She needed to throw up. She needed to get rid of the fat.

Eddie raced up the stairs, hearing noises from the bathroom. He opened the door, and gasped at what he saw. Patricia, forcing herself to throw up.

"Yacker!" He cried, rushing over.

"Go away, go on your damn date," she hissed at him, venom in her voice.

"No," Eddie replied, wrapping his arms around her waist, and pulled her away from the toilet.

"Eddie! Stop it! Let go of me!" Patricia kicked and pushed against him, but Eddie didn't mind. He wrapped his arms around her small body, so she couldn't escape.

"Yacker, calm down. I've got you, it's okay. Shhhh," Eddie cooed, hoping that would quiet Patricia's shuddering sobs.

Patricia had completely broken, now. She sobbed into Eddie's chest, all the emotion pouring out like a waterfall. It hurt so much, though she was happy. She was in Eddie's arms again.

"Oh Yacker…you're so thin…what have you done?" Eddie whispered.

"I don't eat, Eddie. And when I do, I make myself throw up," Patricia replied in a monotone.

"Why, Patricia? Why would you do this to yourself?"

"You." That one word was the key to everything.

"Me…?"

"Yeah, you. When you dumped me for KT, I felt like I wasn't good enough for you. So, I decided to change myself, to make you notice me. And that didn't work. But I can't stop now. This'll kill me, and I'll be happy about it."

Eddie stared at her, open-mouthed. "Yacker…I am _so_ sorry…" Patricia hung her head, and buried it back into his chest, not wanting to answer. "I don't love KT. I love you. You're my whole world, Yacker."

"I love you, too," Patricia murmured. "But, I'm done with life. It hurts, Eddie. I can't do this anymore."

"Yacker…" Eddie replied. "Please don't…you can't leave me, babygirl. I love you too much."

"Then you should've thought of that before you became an asshole," Patricia whispered.

**So? Opinions? I think it came out pretty good. Review~ Love you all~**

**XO ~Neha**


	2. Chapter 2

"Yacker…"

"No, Eddie. Just let me die and move on with your life." Patricia wiggled out of his arms and walked out of the bathroom, leaving a dumbfounded Eddie on the floor. She went into the room she shared with Mara, and straight to her bed. She opened the drawer in her nightstand, and felt a box brush her fingers. With shaking hands, she drew it out, and opened it. Inside, lay a gleaming razor blade, brand new.

Sighing, Patricia also withdrew a letter she'd written the night before.

_Dear Mara, Alfie, Jerome, Mick, Joy, Fabian, Amber, Nina, KT, and Eddie, _

_This is it. I'm done. I'm so very sorry to you all, because I know this will hurt you guys in ways I can't even imagine. I can't do this anymore. You guys didn't see it, did you? You didn't notice me, spiraling out of control in horrible ways. Well, I stand corrected. Fabian did. But I didn't let him help me. I wouldn't have let you guys help me, because of my damn pride. I'm too far gone now. But there are some things I want to say._

_Mara – You may not know or believe me, but I've always been envious of you. You have the good looks, the brains, the perfect boyfriend. Well, you used to. The only thing I don't get is why you wanted to hurt Jerome so badly. Mars, you hurt him so much. He loves Joy. And Joy loves him. But they both don't want you angry, so they aren't together. I've heard Jerome cry before, and trust me, it's goddamn heartbreaking. Just consider letting them be together, okay? I know you'll find someone else. I love you, Mars. I'm sorry. Goodbye. _

_Alfie – Oh, you idiot. You love those pranks of yours, and that's your favorite way to irritate me. I should be annoyed, but I'm not. When you play jokes, it makes me laugh. Those are times I'm actually having fun. And I think you so much for that. I love you, Alfie. Do me a favor, add a little fun to Sibuna? They're way too serious in my opinion lol. You're like my older brother. I'm so sorry. Goodbye._

_Jerome – Hey, Jerry. You're so heartbroken, and I feel bad, because this'll break your heart even more. But, I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. You and Joy have a chance. She loves you, Jerome. She was never pretending. As Joy's best friend, believe me. You guys are awesome together. You're all she talks about. And I want you to protect her, be there for her, never leave her. If you hurt her, you're a dead man. And since I'm dead, Mara will kill you for me. Just be happy, Jerry. I love you, big brother. Goodbye. _

_Joy – Hey, girl. You're my best friend. We've been through so much together, you idiot. I love you so much. I wish you were my sister sometimes. Don't blame yourself, Joy. Please. You couldn't have prevented it. And don't go Joyrage at Eddie. If he's happy with KT, so be it. Just don't let him hurt her like he's hurt me. And be with Jerome. You love him. He loves you. You guys are goddamn perfect for each other. I love you, girl. Goodbye. _

_Fabian – Oh god, Fabian…I love you. I love you so much. You're like the protective older brother I've always dreamed of having. You're kind, caring, and you've always been there for me. Even when Nina came, you never forgot about me, and I can't thank you enough. I know this will hurt you. I know you'll never forget me, even though I want you to. All I'm asking is, move on. Please don't dwell over my death, Fabes. You're too amazing for that. You're perfect and amazing, and Nina is goddamn lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend. You and Joy…you guys have been my best friends through everything. I won't even forget how you let me cry in your arms for a few hours, right after Eddie dumped me. I needed that. What I'm trying to see is thank you. For everything. I love you so much. Goodbye, Fabes. _

_Amber – Hey, you. Fashion school, huh? I knew you'd do something amazing with your life. You and I've always been close friends, though we don't seem like it. You're a bubbly, happy go lucky airhead, while I'm a dark, depressed goth. Doesn't seem like we'd be good friends, right? But, I saw how scared you were your first year, and realized I'd felt the same way my first year. We're similar in that way. Don't miss me too much, you have Nina to turn to. She's amazing. I love you, Ambs. Goodbye. _

_Nina – Hey, Neens. Nice job, leaving us for your Americans. Lol, I know why you left, don't worry. I know I didn't seem that friendly at first, and I'd like to apologize. I'm just insecure and wary of new people. And the timing was horrible. You coming just when Joy had disappeared. I didn't know what else to think. I'm so sorry for how rude and mean I was. I consider you one of my best friends, Neens. I really miss you. I really wish I could see you one last time. But, I can't. I'm so sorry. I love you so much, like a sister. Fabian's so lucky to have you. Please don't break up with him. I know you guys have a long distance relationship, but you can make it work. He'll be heartbroken, hurting, and he won't have me. Just please, for him. I love you, Neens. Goodbye. _

_KT – Now, I'm not mad at you. You didn't steal my boyfriend, he had feelings for you. And all I want is for him to be happy. And if he's happy with you, KT, so be it. I know I was mean to you at first, but Nina is a really good friend of mine, and the thought of you replacing her made me really upset. Be happy with Eddie. But if you hurt him, I will haunt you for the rest of your life. _

_Eddie – Let's see. You were my first and only love. My Slimeball. My Weaselface. My Krueger. I loved you. I still love you. I love you more than you will ever know. You understand me. I thought you loved me, Eddie. I thought what we had was special. Now I know. Our relationship meant nothing to you. But it meant something to me. Whenever I was with you, I felt happy, like all my problems washed away, like I could do anything. I was only me when I was with you. Yeah, I listen to Taylor Swift, shut up about it. You ever heard Breakeven by the Script? Lemme quote. "Oh, what am I supposed to do, when the best part of me was always you? What am I supposed to say, when I'm all choked up and you're okay? I'm fallin' to pieces." I'm falling to pieces, Eddie. You stole my heart, and returned it in pieces. This heartbreak…it HURTS. It hurts so fucking much I can't even describe it. I love you, Eddie. Forever and always, even if you don't love me back. Take care of KT, okay? Don't hurt her like you've hurt me. Promise me. Goodbye. _

_So, I guess that's it then. You guys'll be fine without me, no matter how much you try to deny it. You have to move on. Don't dwell in my death. Just forget the name Patricia Williamson, and you'll be fine. I love you all. Goodbye. Forever. This is Patricia Williamson, officially signing off from the world. _

**Yes, I ended it there. Please don't kill me, the next chapter'll be up, probably tomorrow or Wednesday. Also, there's something else I'd like to mention. **

**I'm working on a new HoA fanfic, different from my other ones. In this one, one of the characters gets cancer. Now, of course, I'm not telling you guys who it is. But I do have a question. Do you want me to include Amber, Nina, and Mick? Or would you rather it be KT and Willow? If Amber, Nina, and Mick, it'll be Peddie, Fabina, Amfie, Jara, and Moy. If KT and Willow, it'll be Peddie, Marbian (possibly), Walfie, Jeroy, and KT will be single, unless I introduce an OC, which probably won't happen. Anyways, leave your votes in the reviews! Thanks! Depending on how many reviews I get, it'll be up tomorrow. I've already planned the first chapter. Thanks again! Love you all! **

**XO ~Neha**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm sorry for taking so long to update this. School and life got in the way. There's one more chapter after this one. Enjoy!**

Patricia took the note, and the razor. She walked out of Anubis house, into the forest. Specifically, to the place where Sibuna had been initiated. There, she placed the note on the ground and sat down next to it.

"Goodbye, world," she whispered, tears running down her cheeks as she slid the razor down her left wrist. The crimson blood appeared, as a lightheaded feeling consumed her. This was it. She was dying. And there was no one who could stop her.

…

Eddie, having recovered from his initial shock, ran down the stairs.

"Eddie?! What's wrong?!" Fabian asked, watching his best friend race down the stairs like a bolt of lightning.

"It's Patricia! I think…she tried to kill herself…" Eddie choked out, tears forming in his dark green eyes. That was all it took for Fabian to follow him out the door of Anubis house.

"We have to find her…" Fabian whispered.

"Where do you think she would have gone?" Eddie asked, a few tears sliding down his cheeks.

"Sibuna initiation….she loved that spot…it was her thinking place…"

"Lead the way," Eddie ordered, stepping back. Fabian nodded, running in the direction of the forest. Eddie followed quickly, skidding to a half behind his friend, in front of the special place. Fabian's theory was right. Patricia lay there, unconscious, crimson blood gushing from a deep cut on her wrist, a note next to her.

"Patricia….no…" Eddie whispered, as he ran over. Fabian stood frozen in shock, staring at the scene in front of him. "Yacker…" Eddie dropped to his knees in front of Patricia's body, tears spilling down his cheeks. He gathered her into his arms, grabbing the note.

"Oh my god…" Eddie whispered, staring at the paper clutched between his fingers.

_Dear Mara, Alfie, Jerome, Mick, Joy, Fabian, Amber, Nina, KT, and Eddie, _

_This is it. I'm done. I'm so very sorry to you all, because I know this will hurt you guys in ways I can't even imagine. I can't do this anymore. You guys didn't see it, did you? You didn't notice me, spiraling out of control in horrible ways. Well, I stand corrected. Fabian did. But I didn't let him help me. I wouldn't have let you guys help me, because of my damn pride. I'm too far gone now. But there are some things I want to say._

_Mara – You may not know or believe me, but I've always been envious of you. You have the good looks, the brains, the perfect boyfriend. Well, you used to. The only thing I don't get is why you wanted to hurt Jerome so badly. Mars, you hurt him so much. He loves Joy. And Joy loves him. But they both don't want you angry, so they aren't together. I've heard Jerome cry before, and trust me, it's goddamn heartbreaking. Just consider letting them be together, okay? I know you'll find someone else. I love you, Mars. I'm sorry. Goodbye. _

_Alfie – Oh, you idiot. You love those pranks of yours, and that's your favorite way to irritate me. I should be annoyed, but I'm not. When you play jokes, it makes me laugh. Those are times I'm actually having fun. And I think you so much for that. I love you, Alfie. Do me a favor, add a little fun to Sibuna? They're way too serious in my opinion lol. You're like my older brother. I'm so sorry. Goodbye._

_Jerome – Hey, Jerry. You're so heartbroken, and I feel bad, because this'll break your heart even more. But, I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry. You and Joy have a chance. She loves you, Jerome. She was never pretending. As Joy's best friend, believe me. You guys are awesome together. You're all she talks about. And I want you to protect her, be there for her, never leave her. If you hurt her, you're a dead man. And since I'm dead, Mara will kill you for me. Just be happy, Jerry. I love you, big brother. Goodbye. _

_Joy – Hey, girl. You're my best friend. We've been through so much together, you idiot. I love you so much. I wish you were my sister sometimes. Don't blame yourself, Joy. Please. You couldn't have prevented it. And don't go Joyrage at Eddie. If he's happy with KT, so be it. Just don't let him hurt her like he's hurt me. And be with Jerome. You love him. He loves you. You guys are goddamn perfect for each other. I love you, girl. Goodbye. _

_Fabian – Oh god, Fabian…I love you. I love you so much. You're like the protective older brother I've always dreamed of having. You're kind, caring, and you've always been there for me. Even when Nina came, you never forgot about me, and I can't thank you enough. I know this will hurt you. I know you'll never forget me, even though I want you to. All I'm asking is, move on. Please don't dwell over my death, Fabes. You're too amazing for that. You're perfect and amazing, and Nina is goddamn lucky to have such an amazing boyfriend. You and Joy…you guys have been my best friends through everything. I won't even forget how you let me cry in your arms for a few hours, right after Eddie dumped me. I needed that. What I'm trying to see is thank you. For everything. I love you so much. Goodbye, Fabes. _

_Amber – Hey, you. Fashion school, huh? I knew you'd do something amazing with your life. You and I've always been close friends, though we don't seem like it. You're a bubbly, happy go lucky airhead, while I'm a dark, depressed goth. Doesn't seem like we'd be good friends, right? But, I saw how scared you were your first year, and realized I'd felt the same way my first year. We're similar in that way. Don't miss me too much, you have Nina to turn to. She's amazing. I love you, Ambs. Goodbye. _

_Nina – Hey, Neens. Nice job, leaving us for your Americans. Lol, I know why you left, don't worry. I know I didn't seem that friendly at first, and I'd like to apologize. I'm just insecure and wary of new people. And the timing was horrible. You coming just when Joy had disappeared. I didn't know what else to think. I'm so sorry for how rude and mean I was. I consider you one of my best friends, Neens. I really miss you. I really wish I could see you one last time. But, I can't. I'm so sorry. I love you so much, like a sister. Fabian's so lucky to have you. Please don't break up with him. I know you guys have a long distance relationship, but you can make it work. He'll be heartbroken, hurting, and he won't have me. Just please, for him. I love you, Neens. Goodbye. _

_KT – Now, I'm not mad at you. You didn't steal my boyfriend, he had feelings for you. And all I want is for him to be happy. And if he's happy with you, KT, so be it. I know I was mean to you at first, but Nina is a really good friend of mine, and the thought of you replacing her made me really upset. Be happy with Eddie. But if you hurt him, I will haunt you for the rest of your life. _

_Eddie – Let's see. You were my first and only love. My Slimeball. My Weaselface. My Krueger. I loved you. I still love you. I love you more than you will ever know. You understand me. I thought you loved me, Eddie. I thought what we had was special. Now I know. Our relationship meant nothing to you. But it meant something to me. Whenever I was with you, I felt happy, like all my problems washed away, like I could do anything. I was only me when I was with you. Yeah, I listen to Taylor Swift, shut up about it. You ever heard Breakeven by the Script? Lemme quote. "Oh, what am I supposed to do, when the best part of me was always you? What am I supposed to say, when I'm all choked up and you're okay? I'm fallin' to pieces." I'm falling to pieces, Eddie. You stole my heart, and returned it in pieces. This heartbreak…it HURTS. It hurts so fucking much I can't even describe it. I love you, Eddie. Forever and always, even if you don't love me back. Take care of KT, okay? Don't hurt her like you've hurt me. Promise me. Goodbye. _

_So, I guess that's it then. You guys'll be fine without me, no matter how much you try to deny it. You have to move on. Don't dwell in my death. Just forget the name Patricia Williamson, and you'll be fine. I love you all. Goodbye. Forever. This is Patricia Williamson, officially signing off from the world. _

Fabian and Eddie read the note together. When they finished, Fabian looked up at Eddie with anger in his eyes.

"How could you, Eddie? She could be dead, because of you. Thanks a lot," Fabian muttered, snatching the note and storming away.

Eddie stared past him, a nauseous feeling creeping into his stomach. How could he have been such a goddamned asshole? Patricia could be dead! He stared at the bundle in his arms, quickly checking for a pulse.

Good. She was breathing. Her breathing was labored and slow, though. That wasn't good at all. He needed to get her to a hospital. Before it was too late.

…

_Beep. Beep. Beep. _

"Hey, Yacker."

Patricia blinked. She looked around in confusion, realizing she was in a hospital room. Everything was white, and she could hear the incessant beeping of a heart monitor. Eddie sat beside her bed, her right hand in his.

"How're you feeling?" He asked, squeezing her hand gently.

"Weak, tired, confused. What happened?" Patricia replied, noticing the large bandages covering her left wrist.

"You tried to kill yourself, Yacker. Remember?"

**So the next chapter is just gonna be the last one, real short with a really cute Peddie scene. I'll have it up tomorrow. Review! **

**XO ~Neha**


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